From Catholic Nun to Worshipper of the Divine Feminine: The Journey of Meinrad Craighead

There's a very good reason why the male hierarchs of the Catholic Church (and the Orthodox Church) fear women and need to keep them in their place, as humble servants of the divine male, passive and submissive. Because if they let these uppity women get one foot in the door (women priests, Cardinals), they will not only dismantle the entire structure of male governance and control from top to bottom. They will also implode from within the entire mythos of the  Divine Male God as the only image of the divine, upon which sacral male superiority rests (no disrespect intended to the Mystery of the Divinized Jesus, one of us calling us to become one like him.) Hence, the significance of the remarkable spiritual journey of one of Catholicism's most interesting women mystics, artist Meinrad Craighead. See the preview below of the remarkable documentary video about her. Notice the spiritual/religious images throughout her house and on her little altar, none of them of the Man Jesus, many of them from different religious traditions and from nature herself. 

Meinrad has never disavowed her Catholic identity, though she has moved far beyond the worship of the Man Jesus and now embraces and worships the Divine Mother manifested throughout nature. It's an astonishing harmony she has managed to achieve, through prayer, reflection and life experience, between her traditional Catholic upbringing and training and the very special place to which she has been led in the Spirit.

As she says in the chapter devoted to her in the wonderful little book by Anne Bancroft, Weavers of Wisdom: Women Mystics of the Twentieth Century: (which is unfortunately out of print)

Throughout half a lifetime of Christian worship my secret worship of God the Mother has been the sure ground of my spirituality. The participation in her body, in the natural symbols and rhythms of all organic life, and the actualization of her symbols in my life as an artist, have been a steadfast protection against the negative patriarchal values of Christianity, the faith I still profess. Like many other women who choose to reinvest their Christian heritage rather than abandon it, my spirituality is sustained by a commitment to a personal vision that affirms woman as an authentic image of the Divine and enlightens, informs and enriches the orthodox image of the transcendent Father God. 

A woman sheds blood from her body and from her spirit. Memories stir and incubate; they are remembered, reformed and animated into imagery. Whether we are weaving tissue in the womb or imagery in the soul, our work is sexual; the work on conception, gestation and birth. Our spirituality should centre on the affirmation of our female sexuality in its seasons of cyclic change. Our feminine existence is connected to the metamorphoses of nature; the pure potential of water, the transformative power of blood, the seasonal rhythms of the earth, the cycles of lunar dark and light. 

In solitude our intuitions of an indwelling personal God Spirit are confirmed, the Mothergod who never withdraws from us and whose presence is our existence and the life of all that is. Her unveiled glory is too great for us to behold; she hides her face. But we find her face in reflection, in sacred guises, mediated through the natural, the desire to receive with animation those messages carried through our nervous senses and the will to focus their energy and transform it into worship. 

Taken from The Feminist Mystic (also, alas, out of print)

And from the essay, The Mother's Song, published in Spiral Muse

Although Meinrad is keen to avoid direct criticism of a patriarchal spiritual tradition, when questioned directly about its effect on our psyche, she replies: 'Of course, it has completely stolen our birthright. However, that leads to political talk. Obviously we live in the Western world and we know the paradigm of the patriarchal 'Father' who looks after everything. The priority of the males in the house crosses over into the East and will probably be with us for as long as we can imagine into the future, but there is a place where it doesn't matter. If you are following your intuition, if you are smart enough, silent enough and together enough, you are going to be OK because you can do that sifting and throwing out. Not a throwing out because of anger, as in "Oh, this has destroyed me", leaving you angry all the time, but a honing down of what is meaningful to you. I only speak from the point of view of an artist; if I were a politician, perhaps I would speak differently. I've never thought in terms of 'fixing' society. I've had this narrow road that I've been able to stay in and lead a holistic life. If you are following your intuition you will ipso facto lead a holistic life. The thread to follow is always ahead of you - if you are really following that in the deepest way, you're not going to get lost, you're going to get nearer and nearer to your own center.'

What's remarkable about this statement: Meinrad's avoidance of bitter anger and criticism of the Church, somewhat like Philomena of the now famous film. She simply and peacefully goes about her way, giving witness to a "place where it doesn't matter." What a wonderful phrase, which I'd like to use as a title of a book someday.

See NCR's 2008 article on Meinrad, Art and Spirituality: In The Name of the Mother

Also check out the Facebook page of The Meinrad Craighead Documentary Project for many interesting links.

"Instinctively I knew that this private vision needed protecting; my identity, my very life depended upon its integrity. But as she guided me as an artist, illuminating my imagination, her presence in my life could not really be veiled. She erupted in my imagery. And it is as an artist that I am compelled to reveal this secret life we have shared for nearly fifty years." --The Mother's Songs, Meinrad Craighead

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Harry Potter's Hairy Bottom

Poor Daniel Radclilffe. He just can't escape the curse of the major franchise. As long as he continues in his present boyish phase, he will always be affectionately known to us as Harry Potter, no matter how many diverse roles he undertakes. His most accomplished acting performance to date is in the very interesting gay themed movie, Kill Your Darlings. It recounts the sexual awakening of the very young gay poet, Alan Ginsberg and the true life story of his relationship with young 18 year old, Lucien Carr, who would go on to 'murder' his homosexual friend and 'stalker,' David Kammerer. Carr would eventually be arrested for the murder and would plead 'honor killing' as his defense, the right of a 'straight man' to resist to the point of killing, the advances of any homosexual 'predator'. A heinous defense which is no longer accepted in the law courts (though the twinkie defense of Dan White in the killing of SF supervisor Harvey Milk comes close). The film is a very interesting exploration of gay sexual awakening and represents young Mr, Radcliffe's most mature acting work so far (I've never been impressed with his acting skills, but this film began to change my view). I know little about the real Lucien Carr (who spent a mere 18 months in a reformatory for the killing and went on to be married twice and fathered three children), but the film suggests at least (whether fairly or accurately or not) that he was dealing with some repressed homosexual tendencies of his own which were causing him considerable self-loathing and which eventually led to his murdering his gay friend. Interesting point of view that simply reflects the common opinion of psychologists - no, not that all people are partly gay - but that sexual orientation is a complex matter and human beings are spread all across the spectrum. Edmund White's protagonist, Will, is 'completely straight,' with nary a whisper of interest in another man. The film version of Lucien Carr less so, which leads to tragic consequences - only highlighting how destructive any repressed and unacknowledged sexual tendencies can be, particularly in a culture which fosters self-loathing through its own homophobia.

Daniel Radcliffe and his love interest in Kill Your Darlings. 

Yes, there is the much touted sex scene (how wearisome the hype), in which young Harry Potter raises his legs in the air to allow his hairy bottom to be penetrated by a casual pickup, thereby losing his virginity for the first time. Not a very romantic encounter, more's the pity for a first time. Fortunately for us and for young Mr. Radcliff, he positions his fingers adroitly so we are spared any view of his dangling participles. This may be a disappointment for some of Radcliffe's fans, but it was a relief to me. I had seen enough of Daniel's bouncing parts in his London stage debut in Equus. Sitting first row with a lesbian friend who had bought me the ticket as a birthday present, we both noticed that during the nude scenes, every time Radcliffe turned his back to us, he pulled on his willy, attempting no doubt to increase its diminutive size. Unfortunately, this action only served to make the Potter Penis ever more bashfully shy, withdrawing into the security of Radcliffe's groin, until it was the size of a modest mushroom. A lesson to be learned there, for as Daniel said in a subsequent interview, "Not one of my shining moments."

He's come a long way since then, and his recent film is a decent, valuable exploration of gay themes and the difficulties of coming out to oneself, let alone to others, though one does get tired of all of these straight boys playing gay characters. It simply doesn't quite work!

One final note, "Kill your darlings," is a line of advice from famed American writer, William Faulkner and it refers to the need to scrap from your writing all of those embellished purple passages of which you are most fond, but which only clog up the work and prevent it from being honest, direct and true. Kill your darlings. But this could just as well be a bit of spiritual advice, Buddhist first, Christian perhaps second. Kill all of those attachments and aversions that prevent you from centering yourself upon the interior peace of your inner being, the inner sanctum of joy, that can only be reached by radical but balanced self denial. Those darlings may be your penchant for sensual pleasures, but they may also be your addictions to institutions of power with which your ego has identified for its own self aggrandizement. And they may also be your addiction to hate this or that group of people you view as outside the pale of normalcy and beyond the sacrosanct boundaries of your tribe. Kill your darlings, that you may love freely and radically in peace and joy. 

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Edmund White's New 'Catholic' Gay Novel/Elizabeth Gilbert Eats in Catholic Rome

(This was originally part of a long posting two days ago, which I've divided into two)

I've just finished reading Edmund White's fine new novel, Jack Holmes and His Friend, which chronicles the twenty year relationship of a young gay man and the straight friend with whom he remains hopelessly in love. It's a fine novel and an interesting one, because White uses the format of the dual friendship to view gay culture and practice (particularly of the pre AIDS era of the 1970's)  through the eyes of a straight man, and the insights are revealing by way of contrast and comparison. 

The book also has a Catholic dimension, as the straight man, Will, was raised Catholic yet comes to bitterly regret the effects of his religious upbringing:

I despised Catholicism, but I'd been so thoroughly catechized that I still half crossed myself when I passed a church. I still felt abashed when Christmas came and went without my attending mass.

Again, I blamed the Catholic Church. It had  taught me sin was a regular part of my life, that sex was a sin I had best contain. Now I contested everything about the Catholic solution, starting with the idea that 'sex' was an identifiable unit of human and animal activity, rather than an abstract word flung over disparate feelings and motions with only a spurious unity....

I thought of a new reason to hate Catholicism. It had robbed me of sophisticated, sensual adventures I might have written about.

And yet, Will still speaks out in some defense of his childhood faith, offering this limited defense:

There were no Baptist Dantes or Michelangelos or Palestrinas. Catholicism retained all of the authority of its great art, even the contemporary work of Graham Greene and Evelyn Waugh and Flannery O' Connor, of Gerard Manley Hopkins. It was hard to throw over a religion that had been defined by such gestures. 

Very interesting comments to be sure, and fair and accurate as far as they go. Unfortunately, because this central character has so many affairs of his own, betraying and eventually leaving his own wife and children behind, it's difficult to wholly accept his criticism of Catholic sexual morality, without some reservations. There is an enormous difference between Moral theology as practiced by the very best and most enlightened theologians of today and the 'official' position of the centralized Vatican hierarchy. The Church is not simply to be equated with its power structure, and any Christian (or Buddhist or Muslim) sexual moral theology will have much to say about the need to curb one's propensity to engage in 'sophisticated, sensual adventures,' when such adventures threatened the integrity of one's primary personal relationships. Will turns out to be a bit too much of a hedonist, but his comments do highlight the problem of all of the major religious traditions over the past two millennia - they tend to denigrate and undervalue the simple joys and pleasures of the sensual life, making it all too easy to denigrate and dismiss their moral strictures. Balance is required, careful, sensitive discernment and balance, something not well practiced by hedonists on one extreme and rigid ideologues in centralized power positions on the other. 

This brings me to the gay character in the novel. Jack Holmes is a fascinating character, but White has chosen to depict him as well as a typical young gay hedonist of the 70's, who has no wish to settle down with a single partner, but simply hops about from one 'trick' to another (or rather has them hopping in and out of his bed from one day to the next). Eventually, this left me with a rather empty feeling. All of this exclusive emphasis upon sexual, sensual experience as the epitome of ecstasy and personal fulfillment. As my writing mentor at San Francisco State, Charlotte Painter, used to say, "Where is the transcendence? Where is the spiritual joy and fulfillment?" 

It is an ideology of present day Western fiction and cinema that sex and its pleasures are 'all there is' to human fulfillment and joy. This is 'as good as it gets," whereas the mystical life, for those who follow its disciplines and experience its profound fulfillments, sex as a good in itself, hardly compares to the extraordinary richness of the most intimate contact with the  presence of the life giving Spirit within. There is simply no comparison. True, sexual and spiritual fulfillment often go hand in hand, with the one leading to the other. However, when one follows this lead, one discovers that sexual intimacy is merely the palest reflection of the far more profound intimacy with the divine spirit within the depths of one's being, a Spirit that lives and moves within every breath you take and every beating of your heart. It becomes the ultimate and most intimate life companion.  But one will rarely find this spiritual truth expressed in contemporary fiction and cinema. Sex as sensual fulfillment is a dead end street in contemporary culture and "that's all you get." It's all quite wearisome and exasperating,  and this is how I felt about the sexual escapades of these two characters. "Wake up," I wanted to say to them, there is so much more 'beyond the door,' if you can only open it. Unfortunately, Catholicism's official rigidity regarding the positives of sexual and sensual experience do indeed make this difficult for many cradle Catholics, leading to the temptation to spurn it all.

I was struck by the fact that the character, Will, in defending Catholicism's rich artistic heritage, fails to mention the great mystics of the Church, such as the great Spanish mystics, Teresa of Avila (who once said, when it's time to fast I fast, when it's time to feast, I feast - while greedily gnawing on a chicken bone) and the sublime, Saint John of the Cross, considered the greatest poet in all of Spanish history. The mystics of the church and the  spriitual journeys they chronicled far surpass the achievements of all of the Dantes and Michelangelos of the Church's rich artistic heritage. 

Finally, the gay character's escapades only serve to reinforce the stereotype of the hedonistic, promiscuous gay character, living greedily for sexual fulfillment with multiple partners, bouncing from bed to bed (or back room to back room) and, sadly,  nothing more. Wake up, please, wake up.

As an addendum, the cover of the US edition of the book shows a young man passionately embracing a woman, whose glamorous, barebacked figure is turned to us. This is a complete misrepresentation of the book, deflecting it's gay emphasis. No doubt this was done to boost book sales and suggest the story is open to heterosexual interests as well, since the straight character does have passionate affairs with a number of women, but it's not the main focus.  Boosting book sales should not be a worry with Edmund White's world wide readership. 

And this brings me full circle again to Rome, Catholicism and sensual experience. I'm currently re-reading Elizabeth Gilbert's classic memoir, Eat, Pray, Love. The focus of her entire book is the felt need of contemporary spiritual seekers to find some way to integrate spiritual joy with sensual experience, rather than see a dichotomy or conflict between them, the bane of so many spiritual traditions up to this point. Catholicism and even Buddhism lead the way, I'm afraid, with their traditional mistrust of sensual experience, with many wise warnings and cautions about the dangers of unbridled sensual experience and attachments, but little in the way of wise counsel as to how to find a harmonious balance between the two. 

So I find it amusing that Gilbert's first phase of her spiritual, sensual search takes her to Rome, the center of Catholicism, because Rome and the Italians are known as masters of sensual pleasure. Gilbert comes to Rome, not for great art or Romance, but to eat! This is charming, amusing and inspiring all at once, because it shows how breezingly the Romans have blithely ignored the most strident prohibitions and strictures of it's traditional religious institution at the heart of the city. The Romans live to eat (and love, though Gilbert takes a temporary vow of celibacy for her duration in the city, in order to restore some balance to her weary soul.) It's quite amusing and healthy, but also very informative. When a religious institution veers into fanaticism regarding the ordinary human pleasures of life, and fails to achieve balance in it's teachings, watch out. Ordinary human beings will simply ignore the teachings and follow their common sense and innate good wisdom. What a contrast between the sensual, life loving Romans and the dour patriarchs of Vatican City, spuming forth against uppity women, hedonistic gays and all those folks out there having fun eating and making love. A pox on them all! 

JULIA ROBERTS enjoying her pizza in the film version of Eat Pray Love. 

However, there is another cautionary note to make about reading the book. Gilbert's next destination after Italy, was India where she stayed at an Ashram of a famous woman guru of the time, whom the author chooses to keep anonymous. Both the guru and the ashram experience effect a salutary change within Gilbert's spiritual being, and that's all to the good, and I have no wish to disrespect any aspect of her spiritual journey. However, we now know that Gilbert's guru was the controversialGuru Mai, who has since retired from public view because of the controversy. I don't wish to rehash the troubling accusations, they can be found on line easily enough. But mention should be made that her own Guru, Muktananda, who declared her his successor (at the shocking age of 22), had been accused by numerous women of having sexually abused them, some of them when they were very young teens. There are simply too many of these acquisitions not to credit them. So, alas, this only highlights how difficult it is for young people to find reliable guides in their spiritual search. It is disheartening in the extreme, yet ultimately not discouraging. A bit of careful discernment and caution are needed, and the wonderful mystic, Andrew Harvey, who went through the hell of Guru addiction, provides a wonderful cautionary guide. 

Guru Mai

But...as a wonderful follow up to Gilbert's guru experience, she does run into a genuine spiritual guide in Bali, Indonesia. A toothless, obscure, unfamous and unrich, 'medicine man,' with genuine spiritual and psychic gifts, who proves to be her true spiritual guide and master - for the moment, until she is free enough to stand on her own feet, which is the way it should be. Beware of Guru's with vast followings and oodels of money at their disposal. Real spiritual wisdom often has no shining, gold teeth.

Elizabeth Gilbert's Indonesian Medicine Man, Ketut Liyer

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Gay Spirituality/ NEW WEBSITE

I've just been alerted to a wonderful, relatively new blog site devoted to gay spirituality, entitled, appropriately enough, "GAY SPIRITUALITY.COM." It was begun by spiritual author, Joe Perez, last July 2013 and simply the fact he was able to obtain the domain name Gay Spirituality tells you something about the real need for such sites. Obviously, there was not much competition and the name was freely available. 

The site seems extraordinarily rich and I've just started reading through the postings and intend to go through all of them within the next week or so. A truly remarkable resource.

For those of you familiar with Ken Wilbur's truly groundbreaking work in integral spirituality, here is Ken's endorsement of the site:

"The stuff of Joe’s art, the raw materials, can be found in his essays, his blogs,Soulfully Gay, delivered with urgency and lust and luminosity, the best and the worst, the glorious and the degraded-there is room for all of it in that resounding “Yes!,” for the secret is not that all of it is pretty, but that you tell the truth about it, converting even the grotesque into the sublime, if you tell the truth. Joe’s life is being artfully lived in the very fact of its truthfulness, its deep embrace, shadows and warts and all, woven unhesitatingly into the tapestry of a lustrous display, a deep peace, an abiding love. and therein, surely, a lesson for us all, this artwork that is a thing of beauty, this artwork that will never die, even when the frame around it perishes." - Ken Wilber

For an overview of the philosophy behind the site, I recommend downloading Joe's book, Gay Spirituality 101, which at 1.99  dollars is less than the price of a fancy caffe latte grande. 

Here is a description of the book:

Gay Spirituality 101 presents for the first time a concise explanation of Joe Perez's view of Homophilia in Human Nature and situates it within a philosophical system derived from pre-modern, modern, postmodern, and post-postmodern wisdom. In Perez's thought, Gay Spirituality is not what a previous generation of writers held it to be: a celebration of the gay self immersed in the neo-pagan Myth of a Gay Golden Age. Instead, Gay Spirituality is deemed to be the practice of Homophilia, inspiring and evocative of the deepest and most divine in human nature. It recognizes a deep level of unity between the relative self and a higher Self. Homophilia is identified with the love of God or the Divine or the Sacred. Forged from the suffering and unique gifts of the community of same-sex lovers, this vision suggests that gayness is a platform for a valid spiritual path. Moreover only by understanding homosexuality from a spiritual perspective is heterosexuality and straight love properly understood.

Toby Johnson, one of the grandfather pioneers of gay spirituality has endorsed the book in glowing terms:

Gay Spirituality 101 is far more than an "introduction"; indeed, if we're using college level identifiers, this is more like a 303 graduate seminar than 101. Joe Perez rises to a much higher perspective in his analysis of themes in gay spirituality than a 101 Intro. Using the evolutionary and consciousness-stage model of Ken Wilber, Perez places insights into the nature of reality itself gleaned from deep investigation of gay inner experience as the real heart of the gay spirituality movement. Just as in order to understand sexuality you have to include both heterosexuality and homosexuality, so in order to understand the human relationship to the Divine you have to include both what he calls heterophilia and homophilia, that is, the universe's love for complementary opposites and its love for itself in its own perfect reflection. A modern gay perspective on religion and spirituality transcends the styles and pop idioms of neo-pagan imitation. Moderns cannot go back to pre-Christian, pre-Patriarchal paganism if only because we know better. We understand these things as myth and symbol from a pre-scientific time. My whimsical complaint with the book is that it's too short. I wanted more of Perez's insights. This book isn't about being a religious gay man or lesbian seeking a welcoming church; it's about honoring and learning from the unusual—and sometimes queer—perspective that being gay can force upon one's soul and psyche. A quick read, but very packed and thoughtful.

Joe's bestselling memoir, Soulfully Gay, is available on Amazon as well, and I've just ordered it (not available for download unfortunately). Given his Catholic background, this is a must read for all of us post Catholic gay bloggers out there! I'm really excited to have made this discovery and many thanks to Joe for having contacted me. My only regret is that it took me so long to make public this discovery here at Gay Mystics (health issues, pathetic excuse).

Amazon's description of the book:

Soulfully Gay is a personal memoir of an intellectually rigorous gay man wrestling with fundamental issues of meaning and self-acceptance. Joe Perez finds himself on a quest to understand what it means to be gay at the intersection of conflicts between homosexuality and Christianity, faith and skepticism, mysticism and madness. His journey unfolds amid challenges to his health as a recovering addict, a survivor of a psychotic episode, and a man living with AIDS. Joe is able to integrate seemingly contradictory elements—his Roman Catholic upbringing versus his openly gay lifestyle, his authentic mystical experiences versus the delusions for which he was hospitalized. With a solid understanding of theology and an ability to see through the veils of political correctness, Joe brings a new level of intellect and understanding to the challenges of being a gay man.

I'm really excited about this 'new' discovery and for adding such a rich resource to Gay Mystics. More to come soon!

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Breaking News: (NOT) Francis says Church could support civil unions of gays

I posted this yesterday, but today Terry Weldon at Queering the Church has offered the disappointing clarification that in fact Francis stopped well short of endorsing gay civil unions.

Read his full article here: 

Pope Francis Has NOT “Supported” Civil Unions – but Catholic Thinking Continues to Evolve

(from yesterday, but not really worth reading after clarification above). Well, this man Francis continues to surprise. Hours after I posted the previous reflections on Francis' disappointing defense of the Church re: it's handling of the sexual abuse crisis, this news hits the airwaves - the first time a Pope has ever (shock, horror) suggested a tentative acceptance of civil gay unions for gay persons as a way of ensuring their 'rights.' Thats right, folks, Francis used the R word. Gay persons have a right to ....well, their fundamental human rights. For many viewing all of this from the outside, it's too little too late and a bit of a ho hum event. And yet it is significant all the same, affirming Terry Weldon's long held convictions that the sexual revolution is upon us in the Catholic Church, as the old positions begin crumbling one by one - albeit through tiny, timid steps. But the cracks are widening, and Pope Francis has just taken a sledgehammer to one of them. This man continues to surprise. 

CNN) - Pope Francis reaffirmed the Catholic Church's opposition to gay marriage on Wednesday, but suggested in a newspaper interview that it could support some types of civil unions.

The Pope reiterated the church's longstanding teaching that "marriage is between a man and a woman." However, he said, "We have to look at different cases and evaluate them in their variety."

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Ruminations on Pope Francis and Abuse, Edmund White 's New book, Gay culture and spirit

I'm still alive and kicking here in Prague, writing a spiritual gay crime novel set in Prague - and planning a move to Barcelona sometime in the next year.

The following reflections are really three postings in one, I just ran all the ramblings into one long disjointed discourse. Eventually, I will break them up into three.

Alas, good Pope Francis, a decent and sincere man to be sure, has just spoken out in defense of his Catholic Church and it's handling of the sexual abuse crisis, saying, (via the BBC)

"The Catholic Church is perhaps the only public institution to have acted with transparency and responsibility.

"No-one else has done more. Yet the Church is the only one to have been attacked."

This comment will undoubtedly cause dismay among abuse survivors around the world, and the reaction has already been strong:

Francesco Zanardi of Rete L'Abuso, told the BBC: "The cases of child abuse by priests continue to happen, all around Italy, and of the cases that we've denounced we have seen no results."

"The Pope may make this statement, but then the Vatican doesn't reply to the UN or impose the obligation that bishops should denounce accused priests in the courts and not deal with the cases internally."

Mr Zanardi also attacked the coverage of the abuse scandals, saying the media in Italy "adored" Pope Francis.

"We who work on this issue can see how real things are. Reality is very different to what the media say," he said.

This comment will bring to an end the grace filled honeymoon of Francis' one year term as head of the Catholic Church. It is now abundantly clear, that no matter his good will or genuinely spiritual nature, he is too much a product of the system to initiate real and radical change from within the heart of this ancient, moribund and sclerotic system.

Far from feeling this is a cause for despair, I find it yet another sign of the Spirit leading us beyond - far beyond - these major institutions in our search for spiritual fulfillment. The young are leaving the Church in droves, and rightly so, and there is no bringing them back. This is simply because the Spirit that guides all of us from within is guiding them to resist any major male centered institutions that denigrate the place of women and attack the rights of an oppressed minority like the LGBT community. Spiritual options are abundantly available elsewhere, mainly on the margins and in the byways. 

Yet isn't this always the case? When I was living in Thailand, two of it's greatest and most radical Buddhist monks, Pra Prachak of the Northeast (who has since left the monkhood) and the profoundly saintly Buddhadasa Bhikkhu were both deeply suspect in the eyes of the centralized Buddhist Sangha in Bangkok, who vilified them and persecuted them for years. It is rumored that the Sangha were behind some of the death threats hurled against Pra Prachak, which eventually caused him to leave the monkhood. Only the intervention of the revered King of Thailand prevented a similar fate for Buddhadasa Bhikkhu. There is very little difference between the rigidity of the Bangkok Sangha and the Vatican hierarchy. Such is the propensity of human nature to become addicted to power, religious and political power both, and to suspect and persecute those on the margins who truly follow the most radical spirit of their founders, whether the Buddha or the wandering Hebrew prophet, Jeshu of Nazareth. The Spirit is found on the margins, not in the centers of power, and those who most faithfully respond to her call will most likely be suspect by those  at the center who have followed their addictions and turned the institution into a false idol. This is a generalization, of course, because there are good people within the Vatican bureaucracy and no doubt also the Sangha who are attempting to initiate reform from within. But these recent comments by good Pope Francis simply highlight the fact that truly radical reform must come from without, and the real breath of the Spirit is found on the margins, both within the formal boundaries of the institution as well as (most often) just outside the door.

Buddhadasa Bikkhu at his forest retreat, Suan Mokh

(Please see this wonderful article from Peace Magazine about the legendary Pra Prachak, who sadly has long since disappeared from public view in Thailand. I had the privilege of being led on a 15 day Vipassana retreat by Buddhadasa Bikkhu some twenty years ago, an experience so profound it still reverberates within my Christian/Catholic soul.)

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Philomena's Grace of Forgiveness

I've just finished watching - for the second time - the extraordinary film, Philomena, starring Judy Dench in the role of Philomena Lee, the Irish women whose son was sold for adoption by Irish nuns in the 1950's. It's a terrible story and an even more terrible criminal scandal, in that this happened to thousands of young unwed Irish girls, whose babies were taken from them, sold usually to rich American parents for fees of a thousand pounds or more, and all ties and traces to the children hidden, covered up, erased by intransigent nuns. If it sounds as if I'm being melodramatic, the story is just that horrible.

A photo of young Anthony at Sean Abbey:

Here is a photo of Philomena's son, Anthony (renamed Michael by his American adopted parents) speaking with Sister Hildegard at Sean Rose Abbey where he was born.  In the final stages of AIDS, he traveled to the Abbey in hopes of finding some way of connecting to his mother. 

Sister Hildegard denied all knowledge of his mother's whereabouts, even though she knew perfectly well that Philomena was searching for her son and knew exactly how to get in touch with her. And she denied all knowledge of Anthony's whereabouts when Philomena came to the abbey a number of times searching for the answers. The cruelty is almost unimaginable, a dying son denied the  comfort of a few final moments with his birth mother. During Philomena's last visit, the nuns failed to tell her that her son, who had died of AIDS, was actually buried in the Abbey graveyard a few dozen meters from the doorstep. And this was in 2003, a mere ten years ago. As of 2009, when the book written by journalist, Martin Sixsmith was published detailing Philomena's life and search, the nuns, supported by a powerful Church apparatus, were still denying everything. To this day, the church refuses to release thousands of archival records of adoptions in the early part of the twentieth century. 

Three days ago, Philomena, together with her daughter and the actor Steve Coogon, who plays the part of Martin Sixsmith in the film, managed to have a very brief, all too brief, visit with the Pope. You will notice from this short film on the BBC, it was in no way a formal audience, it took place outdoors in St. Peter's Square, and the Pope, while gracious and warm, uttered not a word to Philomena or her companions. In other words, it was the slightest of meetings possible.  Merely a greeting in passing, on the way to more important things. 

There was some speculation that the meeting had been arranged to time with the Oscar race, for which the film is nominated for four Oscars. A bit of silly speculation, but the rumours generated this callous remark from Vatican spokesperson, Father Federico Lombardi:

The Holy Father does not see films, and will not be seeing this one. It is also important to avoid using the Pope as part of a marketing strategy.

I read remarks like this and I think to myself: What is wrong with these people? The arrogance and hyper protectiveness of the all hallowed institution. So as you can see, my anger and disgust are showing, which shames me a little. Talks are actually underway to facilitate a screening of the film for the Pope, but it's all very secret and hush hush, the communications taking place between the film's producer, Harvey Weinstein and a Swiss intermediary. One can only weep at the high comedy of this situation. 

Philomena has said that she has forgiven everyone involved in her case, especially Sister Hildegard who played such a villainous role in the affair over a fifty year period. At one point, Philomena was bitter and angry and lost 'a little bit' of her faith and stopped going to Mass. But she resumed Mass attendance and found within herself the grace to forgive, saying, "I couldn't hold a grudge all these years, I have forgiven everyone." 

Steve Coogan told the Pope, "Philomena is a symbol of forgiveness and reconciliation and that although she is an ordinary woman she did an extraordinary thing." To which the Pope merely smiled, gracious and warm to be sure, but mute, with many nervous, twitchy attendants surrounding him on all sides, clearly nervous about moving him on and out of the scene. Nonetheless, Pope Francis does radiate an uncommon goodness and sincerity. But how far can such gentleness go in combating the many terrible ongoing abuses within the Catholic Church? To quote from one commentator:

It's all well and good that this Pope comes across as someone you could hug and have a pint with, and I welcome his rhetoric, but so far, that's all it's been....
...Rhetoric.

I find Philomena's forgiving attitude admirable and inspiring, but she is a better person than I am. My anger continues and I feel no interior call to return to regular Church services. Rather, I feel enormous gratitude to the Lord for having led me outside the doors of the institution, where my faith continues to burn brightly, but without the burden of involvement with the institution itself. We each have our place and peace of heart for myself is clearly found 'outside the door.' Thanks be to God. Freed at last. 

However, returning to the theme of forgiveness, this  should not mean forgetting, and as we can see from the portrait of Jesus in the gospels, there is a place for righteous anger. The Church will never change its behaviour and its deplorable, ongoing coverups unless people get angry, cease to fear the institution, and hold it to accountability. As a spokesperson for the organization Adoption Ireland said,

The Irish government and the church will keep a lid on information about illegal adoption and tracing rights unless more and more people use their voice.

Finally, the meeting was clearly a great grace for Philomena herself. She claimed that she felt such relief at 'being forgiven at last' for her sins of the past. One can only marvel at such an attitude. When asked if she didn't feel it was the  Church itself that was in need of forgiveness and not herself, she simply looked pensive and turned away. 

Finally, the film itself is a gem because it tells this terrible tale not with heavy melodrama, but with wit and humor and a lightness of touch - which makes the pathos and poignancy of the tale all that more clearly felt. It has its critics, of course, not surprisingly the representatives of the Abbey of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary where Philomena and Anthony stayed:

"We do feel that the film, even though it is not a documentary, does not tell the whole truth and in many ways is very misleading,"

In other words, 'there will be no apology from us'. What is one to do in the face of such intransigence. One painful lesson to be learned is that such attitudes are so entrenched, the institution will not reform itself, but must be forced to be held to standards of decency and accountability. Perhaps this is the overall lesson imparted by history and grace through these many unfolding scandals. The institution itself, which a channel of grace for many, is also a conduit of evil and must not be turned into a sacred idol. Caution, critical distance, careful discernment, and the refusal to be cowed. 

And on another front, this may seem like a bizarre right turn, deserving of another posting, but I  finished watching the inspiring 1958 film, The Inn of the Sixth Happiness, starring Ingrid Bergman.

It dramatises the truly inspiring story of Gladys Aylward, the heroic English woman who went to China on her own in 1930, because she felt God's call to come to the country as a missionary, even though the China Missionary Society refused to  sponsor her, deeming her unqualified. But with unbounded faith and trust in the God who was guiding her, Gladys made her way to China alone, overcoming many obstacles on the way, including a thousand mile train ride across Russia into Siberia, and a three day walk through a blizzard alone, in which she almost died. She became an integral part of the culture,  a renowned humanitarian, renounced her British citizenship and become a citizen of China.  Her fearless faith in the face of so many formidable obstacles is reminiscent of the greatest saints of the Catholic tradition, and St. Teresa of Avila immediately comes to mind. Gladys risked her life many times to help those in need. When Gladys felt her interior calls, nothing would stop her, not even mountains of obstacles, which she merely took as God's good way of trying her faith until 'his' moment would arrive. When war broke out with the Japanese, Gladys led a band of 100 children through a hazardous treck over  the mountains of Northern China to safety and freedom, while being wounded herself. This is just a brief summary of the life of this extraordinary woman of faith and inspiration. In watching the film, it was clear to me that in Catholic terms, Gladys was a canonizable saint of truly great proportions, though thank the Lord for her, the Protestants do not elevate their inspirational persons in quite the same way, putting them on pedestals. But here is a story of grace and inspiration, flourishing within another Christian denomination, demonstrating so clearly that the Spirit does not take sides, and no institutional framework for Christianity should be elevated into a sacred idol. Institutional frameworks of some sort are necessary for the handing on of tradition, but when they rigidify and become absolutized, they lead to corruption. Caution, distance, careful discernment. 

Philomena Lee and Gladys Aylward, two women of faith and inspiration, led by the Spirit to offer very different witnesses of grace and reconciliation. 

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The tragedy of Dylan Farrow

Against my better judgement, I am posting a few reflections on the recent Woody Allen/Dylan Farrow controversy. I don't wish to repeat the story, for those interested it is widely available online and is only getting uglier by the minute, sad to say. For my own part, I remain on the fence, so to speak. It is not incredible at all to suspect Mr. Allen capable of some of the inappropriate acts suggested. The problem rests with the alleged incident in the attic, upon which the whole case rests. Unfortunately, there are simply too many credible witnesses who maintain that such an incident could not have taken place, among them both of the nannies in the house at the time and Dylan's brother, Moses Farrow.

Below is a comment I posted at the website Bilgrimage earlier today. Since posting this, I've since learned that Moses Farrow has become more explicit in his denials in a People Magazine article:

My mother drummed it into me to hate my father for tearing apart the family and sexually molesting my sister," Moses Farrow, 36, told People Magazine. "And I hated him for her for years. I see now that this was a vengeful way to pay him back for falling in love with Soon-Yi."

Of the alleged incident in the attic:

Moses Farrow said it never happened. "Of course Woody did not molest my sister," he told the magazine, which said he is estranged from Mia Farrow and close to Allen. "She loved him and looked forward to seeing him when he would visit. She never hid from him until our mother succeeded in creating the atmosphere of fear and hate towards him. The day in question, there were six or seven of us in the house. We were all in public rooms and no one, not my father or sister, was off in any private spaces. My mother was conveniently out shopping. I don't know if my sister really believes she was molested or is trying to please her mother. Pleasing my mother was very powerful motivation because to be on her wrong side was horrible.

And Moses, a family therapist, ends with these powerful words:

"I think my sister is missing a great deal in life in not reconnecting with her father, who had always adored her," he says. "It’s important that she assert her independence from our mother and not go through life with the false impression that she has been molested by my father. I am very happy I have come into my own power, separating from my mother, which has led to a positive reunion with my father."

Dylan has responded by saying his remarks are a betrayal of the whole family and he is dead to her now.

The comment at Bilgrimage follows. I simply don't have the heart to revise it or organize these random thoughts into a coherent essay.

"For those who are interested, here is an invaluable perspective on the Allen/Dylan Farrow case from Samantha Giermer, the victim of Roman Polanski. Advice well worth following.

http://piersmorgan.blogs.cnn.c...

It is a curious fact that Mia Farrow is an outspoken defender of Roman Polanski. Allen's Golden Globe award is an affront to abuse survivors everywhere but Polanski's Oscar isn't? Curious indeed, but I don't want to belabour the point. I did go back and take a very close look at the original 1992 investigation - which, I have to say, rather shocked me, the testimonies of the two nannies in particular. That Allen willingly subjected himself to a battery of psychological tests and psychiatric interviews and just as willingly took a lie detector test - which he passed - but Mia Farrow refused to take. Of course, the key question she would have been asked is whether she coached Dylan in her answers, an assertion supported by sworn testimony by one of the nannies.

I have difficulty overcoming my feeling of repugnance for Allen and his creepy proclivity for teenage girls, but I'm trying not to allow that prejudicial feeling to override my critical faculties. Something is not right here and the case is far from simple.

For those who have the stomach for it, here is Allen's own 1992 in depth interview on 60 minutes, though unfortunately it is cut off mid way:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

The only thing that is clear to me is that Dylan Farrow is the tragic victim in this case and I have no doubt she believes her accusations. I found her statement profoundly moving and sad. But who is the real child abuser? That question remains open, I'm afraid. Too many red flags on all sides.

For the record, I'm not a particular fan of Allen's movies. I've found them wittingly entertaining, but not very admirable. And I'm definitely 'out of sympathy' with the man. Even so, caution must prevail in a case of such enormous complexity.

One voice that needs to be considered is that of another sibling, Moses Farrow, who recently stated that it took him twenty years to escape the negative effects of the 'cloud of toxic hate' and the 'fog of brainwashing' he endured in the Farrow household. Chilling words.

And lastly, does anyone care about the poignant, mature and serene words of Song Yi in defence of her 20 year marriage to Allen and her views on the Dylan accusations? Another woman's voice we feel free to ignore.

Not that it matters a whit, but I'm writing these reflections in the beautiful cathedral of Saint Barbara in the little town of Kutna Hora, some 100 kilometers from Prague (via 4G). I've been reflecting on the Allen/Polanski cases for the past hour, and my intuitions (which are important to no one but myself) tell me something is decidedly 'wrong' about these current accusations agains Allen, though I can't say precisely what that is. But to remain true to those intuition, I have to overcome my own very real repugnance for the man himself and my heartfelt sympathy for Dylan Farrow. May she find peace at last.

I just read this comment at Salon Magazine, which sums up my own sentiments exactly.

What a truly sad situation. It seems like there is plausible circumstantial evidence for both sides of the story. Depending on who is telling the truth, either Woody Allen or Mia Farrow is an unspeakable monster. We don't know, we probably won't get to know, and this is frustrating for anyone who just wants the best for both of them.

In the absence of information that could settle the issue, it might be time for everyone involved to take the fight out of the public eye and move on.

Very good advice, which I am not following by posting on the issue. Heartbreaking and sad.

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